Adult Autism Diagnosis: Understanding a Later-in-Life Discovery
Speaking from lived and professional experience, a common theme of (unknowingly) experiencing neurodivergence throughout one’s life is feeling like a misfit, estranged from other humans around you, wondering why you experience life so differently than others. Life could feel like a maze with no signs or a game with no instructions. Maybe you grew up being bullied at school for your quirkiness or awkwardness. Perhaps it’s difficult to connect with others due to people always telling you you’re “rude” or off-putting, even though that’s not how you experience yourself. It’s so confusing when others (inaccurately) tell you how you are feeling, what you are experiencing, what you meant by something you said, and what your intentions are.
So you learn how to put on a “mask,” a facade of behaviors to blend in more easily, to not be “rude,” to act more “normal” to be socially acceptable. You may find yourself completely overwhelmed and exhausted by too much social interaction or stimulation. It’s not uncommon for those with Autism to need days of recovery time laying in bed and resting after extended social stimulation or being outside your comfort zone. Maintaining employment may be difficult due to the energy it requires to put on a mask every day, leading to extensive burnout.
You may find yourself wondering if there’s something wrong with you. You may feel confused, angry, exhausted - you are trying so hard and doing your best, and yet it seems like it’s not enough for your relationships, your employer, your academics, etc. You don’t understand how others seem to move through life so much easier, unbothered by changes in plans, environments, social hierarchies and social rules. You spend a significant amount of energy on these things - a new environment can totally throw you off, changes in plans may send you into a meltdown, and you still feel outcasted by social rules and hierarchies that you spend a lot of time analyzing to comprehend them.
Let me expose the secret: There’s nothing wrong with you. Your brain just works differently than others, with your own unique skill sets and strengths! Receiving a later in life Autism diagnosis can be so validating to better understand yourself and your struggles. It may feel like an “AHA!” moment where the lightbulb clicks.
It is important to recognize that receiving a later in life Autism diagnosis may come with an additional set of challenges, including skill regression, questioning of one’s identity, and learning how to “unmask.” It may even bring up some symptoms of complex trauma - as simply living as an undiagnosed Autistic person can be a traumatizing experience itself, along with the long-term invalidation and misunderstandings. Masking can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, depression, negative self-perception, low self-esteem, and suicidality. You may experience feelings of grief: grieving the life that could have been had you received this diagnosis earlier in life. You may have had experiences of inadequacy, unworthiness, low self-esteem, and even a sense of moral failure. When you unmask, you may meet parts of yourself for the first time.
How a Neuroaffirming Therapist Can Help
A neuroaffirming therapist can walk alongside you on your individual journey to provide a safe, compassionate, nonjudgmental space to help you process these challenges and feelings, and uncover your authentic self and embrace your individual identity. A neuroaffirming therapist may also assist you with navigating conversations with your interpersonal support system about your diagnosis and your support needs to assist with advocating for yourself. You aren’t alone in your experience, and you don’t have to navigate this path alone.
What is Neuroaffirming Therapy?
Neuroaffirming therapy does not pathologize Autistic traits or attempt to “fix” them, but rather views Autistic traits as a natural part of a neurodivergent person’s human experience and brain functionality.
Neuroaffirming therapy is rooted in the understanding that there is not one “normal” or “correct” way of neurological functioning, and acknowledges that every Autistic person is different.
Neuroaffirming therapy uses affirming language to encourage a positive self-perception.
Neuroaffirming therapy acknowledges systemic barriers and provides a client-centered approach, with the client’s individualized experiences, needs, and preferences at the center of treatment.
Neuroaffirming therapy offers the understanding that each Autistic person has a unique, individual experience; each Autistic person is different with different sets of strengths and needs.
Neuroaffirming Therapy Interventions May Include:
Assessing and modifying environmental barriers
Implementing practical solutions for physical, emotional, social, and sensory needs
Self-advocacy skills
Problem solving
Perspective taking
Relationships, boundaries, and communication
Nervous system and emotional regulation skills
Burn-out prevention
Addressing shame
Executive functioning skills
Neuroaffirming Therapy in Asheville: What You Can Expect in Therapy With Me
A compassionate and non-judgmental space
A celebration of your neurodiversity
Assistance with unmasking and authentic self-discovery
Encouragement of building self-compassion
Identity exploration and acceptance
Practical skill building for executive functioning and burnout prevention
Learning self-advocacy skills
Assistance with navigating social interactions
Learning about boundaries, communication, and healthy relationships
Nervous system and emotional regulation
Sensory regulation
Support with helping you make sense of your symptoms, interests, behaviors, responses, and your own patterns
Education on how to build modifications, supports, and skills within your daily life to promote healthier coping mechanisms and live more comfortably
Interventions that are tailored to your unique, individualized, diverse experience, strengths, and needs
Remember, there’s nothing “wrong” with you! It’s okay to have a different set of strengths and needs. If you identify with neurodivergence of any kind, with or without a formal diagnosis, I am here to support you as a therapist to embrace your authenticity and help you build a more comfortable life. Neurodivergence and its challenges are a spectrum, and everyone is different - you don’t have to have a formal diagnosis to seek support. Everyone deserves a compassionate space to discover and embrace their authentic self. You are not alone, and I would be honored to walk alongside you on your journey.
I offer neuroaffirming therapy in-person in Asheville, NC or online anywhere in North Carolina. If you are ready to take the next step, get in touch with me at Shelby@TheBreakUpTherapist.com.
References:
Dr. Megan Anna Neff, Neurodiverent Insights (Neurodivergent Affirming Therapy | Neurodivergent Insights)
Essy Knopf, The Neuroaffirming Therapy Handbook (The Neuroaffirming Therapy Handbook)
Julie Roberts, Therapist Neurodiversity Collective (Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy: Positions, Therapy Goals, and Best Practices - Therapist Neurodiversity Collective)