frequently asked questions

getting started

  • A lot of people who reach out to therapy are functioning “well enough” on the outside. You may still be going to work, showing up for people, getting things done, and wondering if your struggles are “bad enough” to deserve support. Therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort. It can simply be a place to better understand yourself, your relationships, your patterns, or why things feel harder than they look from the outside.

    Many of our clients come to therapy feeling stuck, overwhelmed, burnt out, disconnected, anxious, heartbroken, emotionally exhausted, or unsure of what they need. You do not need to have everything figured out before starting.

  • To be honest, the first session can be weird! It’s usually a mix of getting to know you, hearing what brings you in, and getting a sense of what you’re hoping will feel different in your life or relationships. Some people come in with a very clear goal. Others show up saying, “Honestly, I don’t even know where to start.”

    You do not need to prepare anything or tell your entire life story in the first session. Good therapy tends to unfold over time, not through one perfect intake appointment. Many of our clients reach out to us when things are feeling desperate in life or in their relationship. Sometimes these moments call for jumping right into the work, and letting the history unfold over time. 

  • That’s incredibly relatable.  A lot of our clients are thoughtful, self-aware people who still feel anxious about reaching out. Starting therapy can feel vulnerable (because it is!), awkward, intimidating, or even strangely high stakes or like you’re a failure, especially if you’re used to handling things on your own.

    You do not need to show up perfectly. You just need a place where you can begin honestly. It can be weird-you’re coming to an office to talk to a stranger about tough things. Where else does this happen!!? Our therapists are pretty good at holding awareness for this somewhat bizarre dynamic. 

  • We love working with clients who are new to therapy or who have had negative past experiences. Sometimes therapy wasn’t the right fit. Sometimes the timing wasn’t right. Sometimes you needed something more direct, more relational, more structured, more neurodivergent-affirming, or simply a therapist who actually understood what you were trying to say.

    A past frustrating therapy experience does not necessarily mean therapy itself cannot help. Many of our clients come to us after feeling unseen, pathologized, misunderstood, or stuck in previous therapy experiences. We hope you’ll share with us what was helpful and what was awful. This allows us to better meet you now. 

  • That’s okay. Honestly, our guess is that “not knowing what to talk about” may show up in other parts of your life, too. Feeling unsure where to start, struggling to put words to things, or worrying you’re “doing therapy wrong” is actually really helpful information for your therapist.

    You do not need to walk into therapy with a perfectly organized agenda. You can simply let us know that it would help for us to take the reins a bit at first.

    Therapy can help create language and clarity around experiences that have felt confusing, overwhelming, hard to explain, or difficult to fully understand on your own.

finding the right fit

  • Finding the right therapist can feel weirdly vulnerable. You’re essentially trying to choose someone to trust with important parts of your life based on a website and a headshot.

    We encourage people to pay attention to who they feel drawn to. Sometimes that’s based on a therapist’s specialty, personality, communication style, or lived experience. If you’re unsure, our practice can also help point you toward someone who may be a good fit based on what you’re looking for. Reach out to our director of operations, becky singer, so she can learn more about you and help pair you with a good fit. (becky@thebreakuptherapist.com)

  • Of course.  Therapy is relational, and fit matters. Sometimes a therapist can be skilled and caring and still not feel like the right match for what you need. 

    Our goal is not to pressure people into “making it work.” We’d much rather help you find a better fit than have you stay in a therapy relationship that doesn’t feel helpful or connected. Sometimes there is a better fit within the practice, and sometimes we’ll link you to a different therapist in the community. You finding the right therapist is the most important thing, even if it’s not us.

  • We work with teens, adults, couples, parents, helping professionals, creatives, college students, and people navigating big life transitions. Many of our clients are thoughtful, insightful people who are used to being the “strong one” for others but feel emotionally overwhelmed internally.

    We often work with anxiety, burnout, relationship struggles, neurodivergence, grief, identity shifts, emotional overwhelm, friend break ups, people-pleasing, perfectionism, attachment wounds, and the messy in-between stages of life where people are trying to figure out who they are and what they want.

relationship therapy

  • We specialize in therapy that focuses on relationships and the ways relationships shape our emotional lives. That may include dating, attachment, conflict, communication, heartbreak, emotional overwhelm, loneliness, uncertainty, betrayal, identity shifts, or patterns that keep repeating in relationships.

    Sometimes people come to therapy because of a breakup. Sometimes they come because they cannot decide whether to stay in a relationship, feel stuck in painful dynamics, keep losing themselves in relationships, or feel emotionally exhausted by dating and connection altogether.

    Relationship therapy here is less about giving advice on whether to stay or leave and more about helping people better understand themselves, their patterns, and what they need in order to feel more grounded and connected.

  • Breakup therapy helps individuals process the emotional, psychological, and relational impact of a breakup, divorce, separation, betrayal, or situationship ending.

    Signs you may benefit from breakup therapy:

    • obsessive thinking about an ex

    • nervous system dysregulation

    • relationship anxiety

    • inability to move on

    • fear of abandonment

    • emotional numbness

    • identity loss after a breakup

  • Not at all. While many people find us during periods of relationship pain or transition, we also work with anxiety, burnout, neurodivergence, identity exploration, grief, self-esteem, family dynamics, emotional overwhelm, and major life changes.

    Often, relationship struggles are simply the thing that finally pushes someone toward getting support. What unfolds in therapy is usually much bigger and more layered than one relationship alone.

  • Yes. Not every couple enters therapy fully certain they want to stay together. Some couples are deeply conflicted, emotionally exhausted, disconnected, or unsure whether the relationship can realistically improve.

    Therapy can help create clarity, slow reactive cycles down, improve communication, and better understand the patterns underneath the conflict. Sometimes couples therapy helps people reconnect. Sometimes it helps people make thoughtful decisions with more honesty and less chaos. You can learn more about contraindications to couples therapy here.

    While our couples counselors can help you all walk through your decision making process, we are not trained certified  discernment counselors. However, discernment work is a familiar territory for our therapists. Oftentimes, the biggest help is learning to be in the uncertainty of it all.

    You can check our our couples counseling options here. 

  • Often, yes. After a breakup, many people feel mentally consumed by the relationship, constantly replaying conversations, checking for signs, questioning themselves, or trying to find certainty about what happened.

    This is not about “being dramatic.” It’s often connected to attachment, nervous system activation, grief, uncertainty, or trying to regain a sense of emotional safety after loss.

    Therapy can help people understand what keeps them emotionally stuck and gradually build a relationship to the pain that feels less consuming. I often say that not every breakup leads someone to therapy. But for the ones that do, there’s usually more healing underneath it than first meets the eye. 

  • There’s no universal timeline. Breakup recovery depends on a lot of factors, including attachment patterns, the length and intensity of the relationship, whether the breakup was mutual, previous trauma, isolation, self-worth, and whether the relationship became emotionally consuming.

    Many people feel frustrated that they “should be over it by now.” In reality, healing is rarely linear. Therapy can help people move through heartbreak with more support, self-understanding, and less shame.

  • Your relationship patterns are not random. Many of the ways we relate to closeness, conflict, abandonment, reassurance, intimacy, emotional responsibility, or self-worth were learned and reinforced over time.

    People often intellectually understand their patterns while still emotionally feeling pulled back into them. Therapy can help bridge that gap between insight and change. I wish ‘being aware of my patterns’ was enough to make things different, but this is rarely the case. 

  • Yes. Sometimes people feel deeply conflicted in relationships and get stuck cycling through guilt, fear, hope, avoidance, longing, resentment, or uncertainty.

    Therapy is not about forcing someone to stay or leave. It is about helping people understand themselves more clearly so they can make decisions from a more grounded and honest place rather than from panic, pressure, or paralysis.

  • It can be. Many couples wait until things feel extremely painful before seeking support. Even when a relationship may not continue long-term, therapy can still help people communicate more clearly, better understand their dynamic, reduce reactivity, or move through difficult decisions with more care and less destruction.

    Not all successful therapy ends with a couple staying together. But we want to help you be able to stand in the decisions you made and in how you carried yourself during what might one of the worst chapters. 

neurodivergence & identity

  • Yes. We work with many neurodivergent clients, including autistic clients, ADHD clients, and people exploring whether they may be neurodivergent later in life.

    Many of our clients spent years feeling “too sensitive,” overwhelmed, socially exhausted, emotionally intense, misunderstood, or chronically burnt out before realizing neurodivergence may be part of the picture.

    Shelby provides autism assessments for those wondering about a possible autism diagnosis. You can read more about that here.

  • Neurodivergent-affirming therapy means we are not trying to make someone appear “less autistic” or force them into neurotypical expectations that may be harming them.

    Instead, therapy often focuses on understanding sensory needs, burnout, masking, relationships, communication differences, nervous system regulation, identity, boundaries, self-trust, and building a life that actually works for the person rather than one that only looks acceptable from the outside. You may hear us say something like, “if we look at this interaction through a [adhd/autistic/gifted/ocd/etc] lens, it makes a lot of sense,” as we provide a framework to help you give more grace, compassion, and curiosity to yourself or to others.

  • Autism in adults often looks much different than people expect it to. Many autistic adults have spent years masking, overanalyzing social interactions, pushing through overwhelm, or feeling “too much” while appearing highly capable on the outside.

    It can show up as chronic burnout, sensory sensitivity, shutdowns, difficulty transitioning between tasks, strong justice sensitivity, social exhaustion, black-and-white thinking, or feeling like other people got a social rulebook you somehow missed. Many adults, especially women and people who learned to camouflage early, go unrecognized for years.

    You can read more here.

  • Absolutely. ADHD can impact communication, emotional regulation, conflict cycles, forgetfulness, follow-through, overwhelm, rejection sensitivity, intimacy, household dynamics, and the mental load within relationships.

    Many couples spend years interpreting ADHD-related struggles as carelessness, laziness, selfishness, or lack of effort before realizing neurodivergence may be contributing to the dynamic. 

therapy logistics

  • Yes. we take BCBS, United, Medcost, Ambetter, Aetna, UHC Community, Healthy Blue, Wellcare, Amerihealth Caritas, and Tricare. Provisionally licensed clinicians are not in network with United healthcare.  Insurance coverage can vary depending on the therapist and your plan.

    Check out this chart, or reach out to Becky Singer, director of operations, if you’re unsure about your coverage.

  • Therapy rates vary by clinician, session type, and whether insurance is being used. We know cost matters and that starting therapy can feel financially vulnerable.

    We are happy to help you understand pricing, insurance options, and what may realistically fit your situation before scheduling.

  • For many people, yes. Online therapy can still be deeply relational, connected, and effective. Some clients actually feel more comfortable opening up from their own space.

    Virtual therapy can also make therapy more accessible for busy professionals, parents, college students, neurodivergent clients, or people who simply do better without the added stress of commuting across town. Parking is the worst. Some clients got used to telehealth therapy during the pandemic and never went back to in person therapy. 

  • Yes. We offer online therapy to clients located anywhere in North Carolina.

  • Yes, some of our therapists are licensed to provide teletherapy for clients in south carolina. Read more about alice, becky, and andrea to see who might be a good fit.

  • Yes. We offer in-person therapy at our Asheville office in addition to virtual therapy across North Carolina.

  • Our office is located in Asheville, North Carolina at 223. East Chestnut Street. You can find directions, contact information, and additional details here.

  • Yes. Asheville has a lot of transplants, students, creatives, and people navigating major life transitions. Many of our clients are trying to build community, figure out who they are outside of old environments, navigate burnout, or create healthier relationships while adjusting to a new phase of life.

    Therapy can be a place to feel more grounded during periods of transition and uncertainty.